I'm lost and stupid without you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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