There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
