I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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