hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
