Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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