Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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