sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
