dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize