just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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