his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it was like eating out sand paper
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
