So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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