I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
