You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
