She is in my trunk
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
