update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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