I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
