Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
