I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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