Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
