i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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