why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
