i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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