Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
