somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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