well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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