i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
