Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
