My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
