so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
