Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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