Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
