So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
"it" just moved
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
