I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
