I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
