His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
