You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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