is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
