You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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