If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
