I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
