It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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Boobs are out for the taking
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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