i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
