did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
