I accidentally burped into my bong.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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