I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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