I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's shark week go big or go home
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
