Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
