the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
