I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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