I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
