I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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