Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
