I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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