Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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