This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
