Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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