morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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