Duck Duck Cougar?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
