You made me cry and you don't even care
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
