you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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