I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
